Not getting your fix of "crap" here on WTFoodge? People might think my talk (and maybe even obsession) with poop is gross and repulsive, but as an aspiring nurse I think that would be great for me to get used to some of the things I'd have to clean. I even walk my dog every now and then so I can get used to the smell of not my own poop! Anyway, Smellypoop.com is a website that tells you most things you need to know about poop. Thanks Holman!

The title of this post could be false from what I know, but this is the only video I've ever seen of a vuvuzela blown in front of a dog and it seems to prove my hypothesis. Can someone send over one to us so Chris and I can try it on our dogs?

Not sure what that title is supposed to mean but uh… have fun watching this video of a guy in turquoise tights shitting and pissing himself for no apparent reason.

Have you ever had a hard time explaining the type of poop you were about to have or a type of poop you had before? Well my gf conveniently introduced me to the bristol stool scale on Wikipedia. No longer will there be any confusion in my poop descriptions. I think I will have a type 4 number two right now.

Woot is selling crap for $3 and shipping is a million dollars and this is the description of what would happen if you got your hands on this bag-o-crap!

Your three dollars get you three craps – and your million dollars for shipping gets you a personal crap delivery from our CEO.

He’ll land in your front yard or on the roof of your apartment building in an AH-64 Apache helicopter and kneel before you to present your crap on a pillow woven from threads of pure platinum and stuffed with manatee whiskers, to fanfare from an 84-piece mariachi orchestra. If there’s a better way to spend a million dollars, we hope you don’t think of it.

Of course, that may seem extravagant to those of you of more limited means. So for a mere $350,000, we’ll hire the most beautiful skydivers we can find of the gender of your choice to parachute down to you with the crap concealed somewhere on their bodies. You’ll have to search them for it. Whatever you find is yours. And take as long as you want – you paid for it. Just enter the coupon code BODYCAVITY when you check out.

If your budget doesn’t permit that, we do offer another choice. A troupe of authentic circus freaks will parade before you in a grotesque pageant of human oddity and pathos, each adding one more piece of crap to your pile as you contemplate the infinite variety of creation. Just don’t call Barba the Bearded Lady “sir”. She’ll mess you up bad, no problem. You can receive your crap via this method by entering the coupon code GABBAGABBA. Shipping charge: $100,000.

True bargain-chasers might prefer a more no-frills alternative. For just $15,000, we’ll arrange an authentic Bedouin-style feast in your home, with your crap stuffed inside the traditional main dish, a whole roasted camel. Vegetarian options available upon request. For this shipping method, enter the tasty coupon code CAMEL.

Of course, if you're the average Wooter, you're more of the frugal type who might find an even better shipping deal. The kind of deal you only discover when you're slow and methodical. The kind that goes to the sort of person who never comes out of their shell. And maybe will be afraid of salt. There's got to be some kind of coupon code for those types.

However you choose to receive it, the world-famous Woot Bag o’ Crap is sure to provide all the disappointment and regret Woot is known for.

Yes, I had to put that whole thing because it was THAT amazing!