If you enjoy excessive headache inducing explosions, lame jokes, bad acting + slo-mo Megan Fox, and a incoherent plot then you might enjoy Transformers 2. Otherwise probably not.

Let me start off with a summary of what happened. Don’t worry I won’t be spoiling anything ‘cause the plot makes no sense and if I manage to spoil anything I’d actually be unspoiling it. That’s how messed up the plot is. Anyway, summary:

OPTIMUS PRIME’S RECAP. EXPLOSION BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM MORE EXPLOSIONS SUPER CLOSE UP OF ROBOTS FIGHTING WHERE YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. SHOW OFF FANCY SPECIAL EFFECTS. MORE EXPLOSIONS. LAME JOKE #1. LAME JOKE #2. LAME JOKE #3-7. MEGAN FOX IN SLO-MO. BAD ACTING. BOOOOOOOOOOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOM. MORE SUPER CLOSE UP OF ROBOTS FIGHTING WHERE YOU CANT SEE ANYTHING. INSERT USELESS CHARACTERS. LOUD NOISES. ROBOT DIES. INTENSE DRAMA MUSIC. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOOM BOOOM BANG! MORE LOUD NOISES. LAME JOKE #8-23. RANDOM SCENE TAKEN FROM NATIONAL TREASURE. INSERT USELESS CHARACTERS. GHETTO ROBOTS. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. EXPLOSION. SLO-MO MEGAN FOX. PEOPLE DIE. INSERT BIONICLES. SUPER CLOSE UP OF OPTIMUS FIGHTING SUPER EVIL BOSS WHERE YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING AND ONLY LASTS 2 SECONDS. OPTIMUS PRIME’S “THERES GONNA BE A SEQUEL” SPEECH.

That is EXACTLY what happened. I think I need more “BOOOOM”s though.

I really wanted to like it but it just didn't happen. I enjoyed maybe the first 30 minutes of it but then everything suddenly went ape shit. There is no plot in this movie so don’t expect any of that. It felt like Michael Bay took 20 random summer blockbusters, sent them over to Blendtec, and just released whatever came out.

Transformers smoke, don’t breathe this.

The only reason to watch this movie was for the special effects. There’s no doubt that they were incredible. Not as incredible as say, a giant freaking Gundam but still pretty ridiculous.

The action would’ve been great too if it wasn't so zoomed in. The robot fights seemed like I was watching them fight through a microscope. All I saw were random robot arms here and there with the occasional ripping a bot in half.

Anyway, Transformers was pretty bad. I would say just catch it on DVD but you just have to see how bad it is. Who knows, you might like it… if all you like are crappy movies. I’m looking at you Jeff. But then again, this movie is two and half hours long so its really a toss up here.

And… Is it just me or is Megan Fox not that hot?